in search of strippers and cocaine

It was the day I became a stripper. Yes I went to a private girls school but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. I never thought it would turn out this way, but I had no choice. It just kind of...happened. I was unprepared for the events that were to unfold. I had been told they’d all be watching intently, but I didn’t expect the reaction they’d give me. Laughter? Really? Was that necessary? Sure my outfit was a little small for me but there was no reason to snigger! I thought the venue was a little too classy for that kind of reception. It was the Sandringham Yacht Club for heaven’s sake!


Humiliated. Mortified. Embarassed. Horrified. Violated. Exposed. Why? All thanks to a stupidly short dress on a runway.

No it wasn’t on the stages of Goldfingers but it might as well have been, I was practically wearing nothing. It was a parade for the World Sailing Cup and I unfortunately decided I didn’t need to try on this one dress of the eight changes I had that day. I had assumed it was a top to be teamed with shorts...I would pay for this decision dearly. All was going splendidly on the runway, not a problem in sight....until the dress. I was running a bit late before the show with hair and makeup so I only tried on half of my outfits. DAMMIT!!!

It comes to half way through the show when I first lay eyes on the “dress”. “Where are the shorts to go with it?” I ask innocently. “There aren’t any, unless you have a pair (implied ‘lol’)” replies my dresser. I struggle into this tiny purple singlet and stretch it over my uncovered butt. Now here’s the trouble with catwalk modelling: you have to wear a skin coloured g-string so it doesn’t show under the clothes, which means if you’re wearing a short dress then nothing is left to the imagination.

Here I was, in this tiny little “dress”, stepping out onto the runway. All was fine until I began walking and the dress began to creep up. That’s when I started trying to sneakily pull it down in the hopes I’d be subtle enough that it looked normal. But out flew my butt cheeks and cue the hysterics. Everyone at this ladies luncheon started laughing! I, on the other hand, began to resemble a tomato. I have never gone so red. I started getting tears in my eyes I was so embarrassed! I had to walk a good 50 metres in front of these women and cameras while everyone laughed.

Eventually I got back to the safety of the change room after what seemed like an hour of humiliation and remembered I had about four more outfit changes. This was my conversation with myself: “I must face them again. Change of outfit this time! Oh crap. What’s this? Change of shoes too? Oh no. I don’t know these shoes. They look kind of big. No time! Must wear them!”

So out I go, back onto the catwalk, pose and begin to walk. Off comes a shoe. I get back into it and keep walking but stumble. SCREW THIS!!!! I lean down, take of the shoes, lift them into the air and keep walking. Yeah bitches, I got this.

My story seemed so great and embarrassing until my poor friend Olivia had her entire boob fall out in front of the lifestyle party three days later. I’m sure she picked up some lusty sailors that night ;)

THE DRESS!!!!!!!!


*photography by Travis Burns

Made in Melbourne

Being in the fashion industry means I get the chance to work with a lot of amazingly talented people and be involved in some pretty awesome events. One that I have been lucky enough to be a part of is the Made in Melbourne event. This annual fashion event promotes and supports local designers who create and manufacture their collections in Melbourne. The event was created by Melbourne designer Katya Baxter, who also created the label Mina & Katusha in collaboration with Sarina Zammit. It is presented by LiPrice and has this year been held at The Trust in Melbourne's CBD. The venue has been transformed with fake grass, fountains and roses climbing up newly latticed walls. Their first show this year presented pieces from Mina & Katusha, Caro, Lisa Taranto, Marion Liese, Borsha, Silk & Ink and Neo Dia. They are definitely brands to watch out for in the coming seasons. In Made in Melbourne's latest show, the theme was Spring Racing, with the addition of beautiful head pieces by Melbourne milliners.
The show opened with designs from Mina & Katusha with head pieces by Gregoria millinery. Their third collection entitled ‘Amour’ is set for Summer with bright colours in beautiful feminin frills and flattering lines.

The second designer to show case their collection was Lady Petrova with Hopelessly Devoted millinery. Petrova Hammond is the brains behind the operation and is the cutest person I have ever met. She is a petit redhead oozing with this adorable, lovable character. I just wanted to hug her! Her collection was without a doubt her personality in the form of clothes- sweet, pretty and quirky. I had a little fashion dilemma backstage when the dress I was meant to wear (which was a stunning yellow and pink flowing dress) got completely tangled as four people tried to help me into it so I ended up wearing this adorable little number.

 

The third designer was Violet & I with Bianca Linklater millinery. Her designs were pretty, feminin and a bit sexy! I didn't model these myself but my beautiful friend Jessica Rose did a fabulous job. Their website has the most beautiful pictures as well.

 I was most impressed with the final designer Pamela Usanto who used JloveS millinery. I had never met her before but had seen her beautiful collection modelled by my friend Kaitlyn Ridge. Pamela is such a happy and lovely person and her designs were classy and simply stunning. I was lucky enough to wear her show stopping piece as well as to recieve one of her skirts as a gift, which I ended up wearing to the races. To get her amazing dress on was quite the struggle. I was convinced it was too small when the zip-less bodice wouldn't go past my thighs. With the help of three others and some squeezing, we finally got it on as well as the jaw dropping dress.

A runway show wouldn't be the same for me without wardrobe disasters and injuries so in true Emily form, I managed to have my already ugly feet covered in blisters from four hours of promo work for Tom Waterhouse that morning. Just keeping things classy!