Problem child

I am the middle child and apparently the problem child. Yeah, I'm bad arse. I just can't help it, I'm a rebel without a cause. The things I have been in trouble for lately are:
- Leaving my curtains open while I get changed, hence being labelled an exhibitionist
- Wearing the wrong shoes or bag with my outfit and being told that I lack class and can't dress myself
- Not wearing enough makeup, fake tan or having inadequate volume in my hair
- Not cleaning my room, which apparently means I have no self pride or respect
- Eating two breakfasts. This was just ridiculous though, I mean, I'm not about to say no to a bacon & egg roll and pancakes. Am I right? Am I RIGHT?!
Let's face it people, I'm trouble. Mum's right, I'm really not reaching my potential. I'm pretty much on my way to smoking pot, shooting up, sniffing cocaine in the toilets of a night club, getting knocked up, tattooing "thug lyf" on my lower back and becoming a stripper. Who knows the lengths I'll go to! I'm a dangerous person! Lock up your sons!

Maybe get a real baby?

When I first saw this, I couldn't believe it was a TV show. Then I thought to myself, what kind of person has a monkey as a baby?! I got a bit jealous because the monkeys are really cute and now I want one. This is so American. What an odd train of thought: why have a baby when you could have a monkey?

Criteria for formal dates

As it is, my adorable darling little brother Andrew attends a private boys school that is constantly in the media spotlight for being rebellious spoilt little brats. According to my brother, his year 12 formal is one of the biggest events in Melbourne, second to the Bronlow Medal. This event is more commonly known as the Red & Black Ball.... the formal that I never got invited to. I was pretty devestated by the fact that I never got to go and am currently trying to convince my brother to let one of his friends take me so I can finally go. I lead a sad existance.

Only the other day, I was sent a photo by my brother while he was at school. This was the photo:

Detailed on this piece of paper is the selection system for girls to qualify for an invitation to the ball. I was in tears laughing. It explains a lot, including why I never cracked an invite. If only I was down to fist pump.

I'm gonna stop you right there. Go home.

It's time to analyse the way guys are trying to pick up girls once again. I'm getting more and more concerned by the things that guys are saying to girls to try to get in there. Number one on the agenda: when did it become cool again to ask someone their star sign?? I was getting harassed by a very persistant dude at work the other day who had memorised my outfit from the week before when he was at the restaurant and he whipped out the line "so, what's your starsign?". The nineties called and they want their pick up line back. When I told him that I was a sagittarius, he replied with "well that explains why I'm so attracted to you". What the shiznit? I eventually thought I'd get rid of him by pointing out the obvious difference in our ages, saying how he was fourteen when I was born and twenty years old when I was six.
Seriously, what does someone's starsign really have to do with their personality? According to mine, I am Optimistic, freedom-loving, Jovial, good-humored, Honest, straightforward, Intellectual and philosophical. I don't even know what jovial means. Haha on the website where I just found out that information was an ad for "singles wanting compatible relationships". How appropriate. Apparently today is all about work. What a joy.
Another strange thing guys are starting to do is be strangely forward. They do this by saying "I'm sorry to bother you but you're really beautiful. Just so you know". K thanks. What do they expect a girl to do? Drop at their feet and tend to their every need? It really annoys me when a guy says that he finds me attractive and asks me if I'd like to go out for dinner or a drink before even speaking to me. Dude, I could be an axe murderer and you wouldn't even know until I'm throwing your severed leg over my shoulder.
Girls will not be impressed if a guy is bragging about himself, showing photos of himself or name dropping. I have been shown pictures of abs, portfolio style business cards and told about all of the awesome people that a guy is "great friends" with. Pass me a bucket. I'd rather hear about someone's travel stories, the job they love or their fantastic family.
If a guy wants to impress a girl, tell a funny joke, ask her what her opinion is on something or actually ask her about herself. Always remember that a person's favourite topic is themselves.
Is it really so hard for people to be witty, engaging and interested in someone other than themselves? End of rant.

POST SECRET APP!!!

Yay! The postsecret app for iPhone is out! I'm so excited! I've been waiting for this for so long! OBSESSED!!!

Sadistic humour

Call me sadistic but ever since I watched this video yesterday in class while doing shit all I could not stop laughing. It's just so unexpected! Then her face at the end when she's all dazed as she staggers towards the camera. I was in tears when I first watched this video. Enjoy my pretties.

Premature aging

I may be only twenty years old but sometimes I look around me and think "I am way too old for this shit". I see people going out, getting trashed, making out with at least three people and stumbling home at 5am before waking up at midday with a dreaful hangover. Call me boring but I'd much rather go out for an enormous dinner, go to a gallery/ fashion launch or head out for a couple of quiet cocktails and be in bed by midnight. I value my sleep too much plus my immune system sucks so I get sick all the time. I don't quite understand the culture of going out until the wee hours of the morning and drinking until you can no longer stand. I don't know about everyone else but I don't want photos appearing of me the next day where I'm sandwiched between a snookie lookalike and a maori tribesman or of me lying on the street in a pool of my own vomit. I'd rather go home looking similar to what I looked like when I left the house rather than missing a shoe and with mascara running down my face.
Occassionally I feel as though I'm getting old before my time but then I remind myself that there's no point in forcing myself to do something that will make me feel stupid or less like me. But you know, if you like to go out till six in the morning then that's fine! Be yourself! I am :)