Future 2011...shit day. Admittedly I just wanted to go to see Ke$ha because I think she needs a bath and I heard she blows glitter from her vagina BUT I didn’t think the experience of this music festival could be that bad. I’m not really that big a music festival fan, due to the fact that I’m not indie enough and I’m pretty much the only one not on drugs yet I highly enjoyed Good Vibes last year. I only went so I could see the Killers and it was well worth it because they were amazing. Literally one of the best moments of my entire LIFE was being on my friend’s shoulders during “All these things that I’ve done”. I was expecting something similar at Future music festival this year but I was so wrong.
The day started with amazing weather and a delightful lemon lime bitters and vodka slurpee. I had been offered a job working behind the scenes at the festival by my friend Olivia but since I’d already bought my $140 ticket, I decided to pass on that. I travelled into Flemington with Olivia and my other friends Sage and Alice as they prepared themselves to work in funky burlesque outfits all day. The train ride in itself was eventful considering an intoxicated young male vomited just behind us. It looked like he swallowed a sausage whole, the chunks were enormous. Sage described them as being similar in texture to apple pie. We also watched out the window as the clouds became more and more ominous.
Just as we pulled into Flemington Racecourse station, the heavens opened and sent everyone running. Some geniuses had those funky plastic ponchos but I literally had nothing to protect me. I tried to steal some guys hat by batting my eyelashes and smiling sweetly but it turned out to be his friend’s so that was an immediate fail. Problem number two was that I had my friend Brianna’s ticket and we were supposed to be hanging out that day plus we had no phone reception! We somehow spoke to each other for a few small conversations where neither of us understood each other but I managed to catch onto the fact that she was on the other side of the festival. Joy. Sheer joy.
After waiting in a line for a good 45 minutes with these randoms who decided to drunkenly befriend me, I got in and needed to pee. The lines for these feral public toilets were 15 minutes long so I decided to get everyone excited to pee. We had chants going to encourage people to “pee hard or pee home”. High fives were also exchanged as people exited the cubicles. Excellent morale. After I had peed, shit got real. I had to find Brianna.
Her texts went like this:
“like at the end of the main stage on the footpath”
“Emily I haven’t moved where r u??? I’m looking at the main stage but far back in the centre, about 50m up from a ride”
“The “no booze no bags” sign is 50m in front of me”
The question was: food or alcohol? We had to wait in a half hour que for each of them. We decided upon food. Food was amazing, being drenched...not so amazing. I was so not drunk enough for that shit.
After wandering around for about an hour, asking ourselves where all these derros came from, we decided it would be safe to watch “The Presets” because we figured we’d know a few songs. Wrong. We knew about two. Epic fail. It was also while watching The Presets that a bottle of wee was thrown in our direction. I replay the event in slow motion as boys began to run out of the way while another hurled a clear bottle containing a yellow liquid into the crowd. Brianna and I ducked out of the way just in time to see the girl next to us get smacked in the face by a large splash of pee. If there was ever a time for anti-bacterial gel, it was at that moment. Either way, that ended it for us. It was time to go so we walked our sorry dripping arses back home.
I’m starting to think maybe I’m a massive loser.
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