bday or me-day?

I hate that it’s my birthday only once a year. I’m getting sick of it being everyone else’s birthday and not mine! I get so jealous! You know the scenario, you’re sitting at a restaurant when a delicious slice of free cake flies past you carried by a waiter singing “happy birthday” and you’re thinking “I want free cake” but it never comes. I’ve been tempted so many times to pretend it’s my birthday in the hopes of getting that cake made 100 times more delicious purely due to the fact it’s free. The way I see it, this jealousy of other people’s birthdays started a long time ago.


Picture this: a room filled with streamers, balloons, a clown, fairy bread and screaming 5 year old kids. It’s your best mate from prep’s fifth birthday and you’ve already had a tantrum because it was completely unfair that they were getting a present and you weren’t. Then suddenly, their mum starts singing “happy birthday” while stepping over kids and holding a glorious delicacy appropriately labelled with “happy birthday Chucky” (I don’t know why I inserted the name Chucky there but maybe that’s because he was my favourite Rugrats character). Of course you’re Chucky’s best mate so you get to sit next to him while he blows out the candles. This is when shit gets real. Chucky goes to blow out the candles but you get in there first and blow them out yourself. Chucky starts crying, his mum is trying desperately to calm him while re-lighting the candles and clearing up the snot you just blew all over the icing. You: 1, Chucky: 0.

It only gets worse as you get older. You start buying presents by yourself with your own money. You pick the perfect present and realise your friend will love it just as much as you do. But hang on, it is kind of expensive and it’d look better on you anyway. Before you know it, you’ve claimed ownership of this present. This is easily avoidable. If it’s for a family member, get something you will both like and since you live in the same house, you can use it whenever you want. I did this with my dad. I wanted a pasta maker so I got him one and just use it all the time. Another trick is to get a present that involves doing something together such as a trip to Queensland. They’re happy they’re going to Queensland, you’re also going. Everyone wins. I have another dilemma on my hands though: my birthday is close to Christmas.

For people who don’t understand what this is like, imagine getting completely jibbed with joint birthday and Christmas presents. It’s BS! Not only that, people regift their own Christmas presents to give you for a birthday present because they were “busy until after Christmas”. Oh how convenient. This happened to me last year when a friend bragged about how awesome the present was that she was giving me but she kept “forgetting” it everytime she saw me. I’m one of those people who really isn’t fussed about whether or not I get a present from somebody but she was making me excited about how amazing this present really was. Eventually the 9th of January rolls around and she is ready to present me with this ridiculously fabulous gift. Firstly, it was enclosed in a small brown paper bag. Warning sign number one. I pull it out of the bag and it is a chunky piece of metal, which was apparently a necklace. Now I don’t mean to sound like a spoilt little brat, but this person had known me since I was ten and in no way, shape or form would I ever be able to pull off this piece of “jewellery”. My acting training jumped in as I looked up at her saying “oh wow, it’s so versatile”. I would’ve preferred a potato if I wanted versatility. I gave her the benefit of the doubt assuming she had at once stage gotten me an awesome present but had it for so long that she fell in love with it and claimed it, eventually panicking and giving me this unwanted Christmas gift. Understandable, I loved the present I got her for Christmas so much that I bought myself one. I guess it’s the thought that counts right?

That’s what I love about Jesus, he’s willing to share his birthday. Legend.