My mum was a bit of a babe back in ye old day and dad was kind of a player (I would know, I’ve seen photos of him in his day and a buffet of women to prove it). On the fateful night my parents met, they were both at the same bar with a few friends. My mum was having a few drinks at a table when my dad strolled over asking my mum where she lived. When she replied with “Balwyn”, he responded with “well you’re out” before asking all of her friends in turn and eventually walking away. Eventually he went back to my mum and for some reason, she gave him her number. Three weeks later he called to arrange a date, ending their conversation with “I don’t remember what you look like so if you’re alright I’ll stay but if you’re ugly I’ll keep on walking.” Nice choice mum.
Might I also point out, my parents are two of the palest people and alive, hence shouldn’t have mated. There should be a work safety policy in the realm of parenting, I am practically allergic to the sun. What is also strange are the varied heights in our family. My mother and sister are 5’ 4”, my dad is 5’8.5”, I’m 5’9.5” and my brother is a monster at 6’5”. Where the hell did the tall genes come from? Also the fact that my mum and sister have massive jugs and I’m a little more challenged in that region.
Like any family, we don’t always get along. My dad runs a tight ship and likes to have control over the house hold and the rest of the family or as he likes to call us, “you people”. If I leave things lying around, he hides them and makes me do stuff for him in order to get them back. Unfortunately, he’s started to forget where he puts them and half of my stuff has been missing for a few months. My brother Andrew just likes to steal my stuff in general, this includes multiple pairs of headphones (often pink ones) and moisturiser. Andy and I are really tight but it’s still confusing when I get accused of flirting with him. I’m just a very affectionate person, I swear I’m not Tasmanian.
The awesome thing about having a sister is that you practically get two wardrobes but it’s depressing now because my sister Stephanie is at college in America on a tennis scholarship. We still try to exchange things every time she comes to visit but I’m a bit worried she’ll lose it as she has a tendency to misplace things. It all started a year ago when I bought her this beautiful expensive ring for her 21st but she lost it. Since then, she started losing bigger things like her hamster Pumpanickle who just “disappeared” and more recently her black Labrador puppy Pepper. Very smooth. I’m beginning to think the forgetfulness runs in the family.
The issue I’m having with my mum lately is that I’ll have full conversations with her about things and when I bring it up again the next day, she’ll have no recollection of us ever discussing the topic at hand and she’ll get mad at me for not telling her. She only gets mad because she loves her kids so much so she gets worried when she thinks we haven’t told her every detail of our lives.
So I guess you could say my family is pretty normal, but we’re a bit closer than your regular family. So if you touch my family, consider yours in grave danger. I will go ape shit.
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