Gender bender

“If I were a boy, even just for a day, I’d roll out of bed in the morning and throw on what I wanted and go.” Well Beyonce, I couldn’t have said it better myself....but I’ll try. Lately I’ve just been getting more and more jealous of boys. They get to do so much cool shit! If I could trade bodies with a boy for a week, here’s a list of things I would do:


Pee wherever I want
I can’t even imagine how much time I would save if I could just whip out a wiener and pee at any time, any place. I’d love to try out some aiming as well as write my name in some snow. There would be no awkward squatting while camping, no waiting in line to use the loo’s or waiting till I found a toilet in general. The world would be my toilet.


Have a burping and farting contest
Not many people know this, but one of my rare skills is the ability to burp extremely well on demand. People don’t know this because it’s socially unacceptable for females to burp in public. It depresses me because when I rip out a winner, people are disgusted. Just once would I like to burp and hear applause.


Walk around naked with my mates
I recently went to uni games and was astounded at the number of nude dudes I saw in public. I had one awkward incident when we were at a club and I turned around after getting drinks from the bar only to be confronted by five naked guys, whom I would’ve high fived if I didn’t have drinks in my hands. I also love that a footy bus containing an entire team while naked was crashed after a night out (not the crashing part...just the naked part). Boys were also caught streaking at the girls footy match. So much nudity, so little time.

Not bother with grooming
Boys take this for granted so much. They don’t need to shave, moisturise, tan, do their hair, put on makeup or wear high heels. It’s so unfair that their going out ensemble consists of a tshirt and jeans with the ability to change tshirts for a completely different outfit the next evening. PLUS they’re always comfortable! Epic win much?


Grow a mo
Bit awkward if you have a mo as a chick. Enough said.

Shave my head
I’ve always considered this but I have an awkwardly shaped head and it didn’t exactly work out well for Britney Spears. Yes Natalie Portman pulled this off but only coz she is a hot babe.



Beyonce, she had the right idea as did Ciara who once said “sometimes I wish I could act like a boy”. Ladies, you read my mind.