Sham WOW!

It was one of those times when you need a fucking big sham wow. It all started on the morning of October the 6th when I decided it would be a nice idea to wear a cute flowy white skirt to uni but with a g string considering I would have to change into leggings during play rehearsals because if there’s one thing I hate more than brussel sprouts, it’s visible panty lines. Sure that made no sense, but who doesn’t hate brussel sprouts? I digress. One of my favourite things to do is watch the weather and impersonate the weather girl but on that very morning I was running late and missed the weather. And so started my unfortunate day.


I didn’t have enough coins that morning for parking and I just wasn’t in the mood to visit the creepy guy at the servo who remembers me everytime I go there to get coins or an up & go. I decided to take a wee little journey on the bus that I usually avoid because it means I have to walk a whole five minutes to get to the bus stop and I’m lazy. Originally I thought I missed the bus as it sped by me but I’d chosen a good day as the bus driver was in the mood for a slurpee so he sent some of his bus groupies to get him one. Stage one of my day was complete as I arrived at uni 20 minutes after my class started. At this point of the day, there was only a minimal amount of wind. My luck was soon to run out.

Three hours later and my class was over. I came outside to see what can only be described as an apocalyptic sky combined with tornado like winds. It was Munroe moment after Munroe moment. I felt like I was being ripped off by God, he was showing everyone my arse and I was getting no money for it. This was the least of my worries.

It has come to my attention that a new water catchment area should be created in my garage. For quite some time now, we’ve had some serious issues when it comes to rain and drains. About a year ago, our entire house got flooded and we had to replace all the carpet. On this evening however, dad and I got in there quick to clear out some serious water. So I donned my red gum boots and my rain coat while grabbing a bucket just as shit started getting real. Dad and I were running around like headless chooks trying not to drown like the poor little snail I found swimming in the blocked drain. The water was literally knee deep and pouring in from every possible opening. My cat, Kitty, had previously smashed a hole in one of our windows the other day as well. You may ask how this is possible if I don’t have a tiger as a cat but truth is, our house is kind of a crap heap that was created with illegally thin windows...those are the ones made of glass and not green plastic like the rest of the house. Amazing visual I’m sure. But because of this hole, more water was pouring in along with the shower coming in through the kitchen cupboards.

Eventually we stopped the flowing river running through my garage after some intense father daughter bonding. Dad and I don’t do much with each other that doesn’t involve food or playing guitar together so this was pretty huge. My sister better watch her back because I’m in the running for golden child at this rate. She asked for it when she got her first tattoo.

While others are snuggling up in front of the heater during a storm, us Macfarlane’s are battling raging floods and while limiting our energy use by keeping our heater in its broken state. We’re survivors. I’m just glad I didn’t have to pump up the inflatable boat this time...