I almost had a psychic boyfriend but he left me before we met....

When I was a younger, I watched way too many sci fi shows (no, not Star Trek) and I liked to think there was something else in the universe other than just the life we knew and that some people possessed a sixth sense. After the painful realisation that I didn’t have it (and that I wasn’t a witch about to be sent off to Hogwarts), I slowly started to think that these people who claimed to have a third eye never really had any special insights at all and instead were just really good at reading people hence making assumptions that were vaguely true. I’ve always wanted someone to prove me wrong and show me that some people can see things that others can’t. So when the opportunity arose to see a fortune teller in Bangkok, I couldn’t turn it down.


I was walking down the dirty, odorous streets of Thailand’s capital city with the three girls I was travelling with when I saw a rotund woman sitting in front of a table with a sign that read:

Tarot card reading 100B

Palm reading 100B

Foot reading 200B

We walked right on past her but my curiosity was already sparked. By the time we had decided to turn around to go back to the hotel, my mind was already made up, I was to have my palm read. As we approached, she could hardly contain her excitement five potential customers came her way, potentially providing her with AU$3 per reading. As we all pulled up a plastic stool, she begun whipping out her equipment including a pen, a frog shaped lamp, a photo album filled with pictures of customers and a digital camera. After about five minutes of posing for photos with her as she directed some poor, innocent Japanese bystander turned photographer on the street, we got down to business. I was first, beginning with the age I would die. It was 35...

JOKES! She told me I would die at 95 after a long, healthy life (that is if I ate lots of bananas to keep my bowels from messing up). She then moved onto my soulmate, who I would meet when I’m twenty five in another country and would be happily married to with two OR four children by the time I’m 32. He will apparently be very smart and handsome. Lucky Emily! There was a lot of stuff before all that were to happen though. It kind of went like this:

• “mmmm, you have bery kind heart but I see that you worry too much about something you are in two minds about. You think is bery big decision. You no worry no more.”

• “You are bery creative mind, you write book or film, maybe play”. Interesting since you may have noticed readers that I love to write and I am also studying performing arts at university. Weird....but it gets weirder.

• “you spend all your money and never save”, this is so true, “never lend any friends money, they never pay you back!”

• “make much money from part time job, cat walk model I think”. Thanks lady, but where is all my money?!?!?!

• “You charm all boys and break their hearts.” Ummm oops?

She also somehow knew about my sore back that I had that day. I was pretty impressed with her predictions for me but for the other girls, she was a bit rough. One of the girls, Alana, was told that if she didn’t stop stressing out she would die early from heart problems, that she would have two husbands because the first would die and if her husband didn’t feed her, she would kill him. Another girl, Steph, was told that she shouldn’t be alone with men or she would be raped. Don’t sugar coat it woman, give it to us raw!

So next time you doubt fortune tellers, think about my little friend in Thailand, whose name eludes me. She was weird but she knew her shit.