Number 1 dilemma: When the girl who asks to borrow an item of your clothing is a ho fo' sho.
In this situation, a particularly skanky girl wants to borrow a dress or a top and you genuinely don’t want to give it to her because it will be returned unwashed covered in makeup, alcohol or bodily fluids. I’ve never understood why people would ever borrow something and think it’s ok to give it back in a worse condition than you received it in when someone was generous enough to let you borrow it. Equally, I hate it when a friend says to you “You’ll never believe what happened last night! I finally hooked up with that guy I like and just left his house ;)”. All fine and dandy until you have that horrible realisation that she was wearing that dress you lent her. That’s when you send a text back saying “Congrats on the sex. You can keep that dress you borrowed”, and pretend like you were going to get rid of that brand new dress anyway. Equally as annoying is when they just never give you back your stuff so you end up looking like a dick because you keep pestering them about it. Come to think of it, lesbians are quite lucky because they get two wardrobes when they move in together. Jealous.
Number 2 dilemma: When a chewer borrows your pen.
Oh to the em to the gee. I do not understand people who borrow your pen and chew the shit out of it. Get some freaking gum! You have a problem! It is not ok to use someone’s pen and chew on it as if it were your own. I have donated so many pens to people because I just don’t want it back after the absolute raping they’ve given it. I also can’t stand it when they just take possession of your stationary after using it because you’ve too lazy to label your items. Similarly when a person has forgotten their text book and asks if they can look on with you but somehow end up hogging the book and writing their own notes in it and take it home with them. I’m always too polite to say “oh that is actually my book, may I please have it back” and I just end up losing it.
Number 3 dilemma: Buying a round for someone who avoids buying rounds for the whole night
You know that one stingy bastard who is keen to get in on the rounds of shots until it’s time for them to shout everyone and they just feel like water? Or they’ve had too much to drink and need a break? I’m sorry, but when you agree to get in on a round of drinks, you automatically agree to buying another round at some point in the night. There should be a written agreement people have to sign at the first round of drinks, just like that sexual consent form they were trying to bring in....but that was kind of a mood kill so they decided against it. Join me in the fight against tight arse drunks.
