I love this video. It makes me feel happy.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Wisdomless and wistful
The lack of wisdom hasn't hit me yet but the rumours are true, I got my wisdom teeth removed. I was so unimpressed when I found out that I had to get these teeth removed as I could have sworn that they already came through last year when my face hurt for a week straight because of these troublesome teeth. It was only when my face doubled in size two weeks ago and I couldn't chew anything without being in pain a few weeks ago that I realised something was wrong. That day, I visited a doctor, a dentist and got an x-ray done; they all confirmed that I had an impacted wisdom tooth and they all described me as very unlucky. Just a heads up, never let someone do anything to your mouth when you're not under a general anesthetic. Holy mother of God, I have never been in so much pain. My friend Tegan got her wisdom teeth removed in the dentist's chair and after this experience, I have so much respect for her. Even the needles to numb your mouth hurt! I was in tears and gripping the hand of the assistant the entire time. That day I got the gum around my tooth laser removed and puss extracted. So sexy. I was swollen and in intense pain constantly for the next three days so no wonder I was terrified with the prospect of having to get ALL of my wisdom teeth removed.
When D-day arrived, I had been warned that it would be the "worst pain of my life" and that I would be in bed for a week with a hugely swollen face and black eyes. So pumped. My operation was booked in for 7:30am yet I didn't go through to surgery until about midday as I was the last person out of nine people getting their wisdom teeth taken out that morning. It wasn't too bad though, while I waited I got to lay in bed and watch French films while glancing at the bandaged suckers in the beds around me. Once I was taken through to surgery, they put an ugly hair net on me and stuck a needle into my arm to await my anesthetic. The bizarre thing was, the doctor put the anesthetic in my arm and when I woke up after what seemed like seconds, I was being wheeled into another room and my wisdom teeth were gone! AMAZING! It was like magic. As the drugs hadn't quite worn off, I began berating the nurses for not giving me my teeth to keep and asking them what their favourite cocktails were. Normal. No joke, my face including my tongue was completely numb until midday the next day. Aren't drugs just the best? I looked like a winner with ice packs strapped to my face but so far so good with no swelling or bruising. I had pain killers just in case the pain started coming on but it never came. I was so prepared for the worst but nothing happened! I wasn't swollen, bruised or in pain. By day three, I was back to normal. Everyone lied to me! Yes it was awesome to stay in bed for two days playing the sims and my mum doing everything for me but it was so not that bad! Maybe I'm just awesome and fought past the pain but I honestly don't know why everyone makes such a big deal of it.
Sincerely,
Wisdomless and wistful
When D-day arrived, I had been warned that it would be the "worst pain of my life" and that I would be in bed for a week with a hugely swollen face and black eyes. So pumped. My operation was booked in for 7:30am yet I didn't go through to surgery until about midday as I was the last person out of nine people getting their wisdom teeth taken out that morning. It wasn't too bad though, while I waited I got to lay in bed and watch French films while glancing at the bandaged suckers in the beds around me. Once I was taken through to surgery, they put an ugly hair net on me and stuck a needle into my arm to await my anesthetic. The bizarre thing was, the doctor put the anesthetic in my arm and when I woke up after what seemed like seconds, I was being wheeled into another room and my wisdom teeth were gone! AMAZING! It was like magic. As the drugs hadn't quite worn off, I began berating the nurses for not giving me my teeth to keep and asking them what their favourite cocktails were. Normal. No joke, my face including my tongue was completely numb until midday the next day. Aren't drugs just the best? I looked like a winner with ice packs strapped to my face but so far so good with no swelling or bruising. I had pain killers just in case the pain started coming on but it never came. I was so prepared for the worst but nothing happened! I wasn't swollen, bruised or in pain. By day three, I was back to normal. Everyone lied to me! Yes it was awesome to stay in bed for two days playing the sims and my mum doing everything for me but it was so not that bad! Maybe I'm just awesome and fought past the pain but I honestly don't know why everyone makes such a big deal of it.
Sincerely,
Wisdomless and wistful
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
BBQ Crashers
You've heard of wedding crashers but now get ready for a scary new phenomenon: BBQ crashers. These people come alone or in pairs in search of beer and sausages...maybe a chicken wing as well. Be aware that this could happen to YOU. This incident I'm about to tell you all happened to me just yesterday. If you are afraid of people stealing innocent sausages and using obscene amounts of sauce, please turn away from your screen now.
It was a warm Tuesday afternoon in November and I had been called into University with my fellow students to clear up any re-enrolment issues, watch a few performances and have a barbecue. I wandered into the theatre with my friend James who often uses the phrases "fresh" and "the end". I noticed a middle aged Asian man sitting in the third row whom I didn't recognise at all so naturally I assumed he was an overbearing parent or some strange mature aged student. The only other mature aged student we had went on a gap year after our first year so it was a little exciting to see some fresh meat. I ignored the presence of this new face until the break in between the info session and the showcase when he came over to me. He asked "When is barbecue? What is going on??" to which I replied "oh I think we're just watching the show case then the barbecue is after that".
"No no no. Someone told me subjects then barbecue 6:00. Why no barbecue?" he badgered.
"Ummm I think we have to watch performances first and then there's a barbecue," I said while shrinking into my seat.
"How long showcase?" he asked.
"I think it's one hour," I replied sheepishly.
"ONE HOUR?! BUT I'M HUNGRY NOW!!!" he said as he rubbed his belly. He promptly left after this delightful conversation to go harass more people over this ever so important barbecue. I made sure to sit on the other side of the theatre for the performances so I didn't have to hear about his ravenous state for the next hour.
As soon as the lights came on after the performance, he ran out at the speed of light knocking women and children over as they innocently left the theatre. Papers flying in his wake, wind blowing through the hair of passers by (this may or may not have happened but I don't let the truth get in the way of a good story).
As we exited the building and entered into the courtyard, he was already at the barbecue,
bread in hand waiting impatiently for the culinary geniuses manning the hot plate to serve him up a steaming sausage. As soon as the sausage hit that fluffy white slice, sauce was flying in all directions. Not just tomato, but BBQ sauce as well. Lots of it. This may have been the reason for the tomato sauce running out only minutes later. With the speed of a super hero, he had grabbed a beer and was harassing people to open it for him even though it was a twist-top. He yelled "you're not my friend!" to anyone who would not open it for him. Real mature. Never have I ever seen someone eat a sausage and drink a beer so quickly. If he was in an eating competition, I would have bet my house on this guy. After he literally inhaled his first beer and sausage, he went straight to the front of the line like a true VIP to grab his next sizzling victim. After doing this another four times, he vanished. POOF! GONE! IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE....from the barbecue. I asked around, no one knew who this mysterious Asian man was, even the staff.
I look back on this fateful day as the day I met the original BBQ crasher.
I am severely regretting not getting picture or video evidence of this event.
It was a warm Tuesday afternoon in November and I had been called into University with my fellow students to clear up any re-enrolment issues, watch a few performances and have a barbecue. I wandered into the theatre with my friend James who often uses the phrases "fresh" and "the end". I noticed a middle aged Asian man sitting in the third row whom I didn't recognise at all so naturally I assumed he was an overbearing parent or some strange mature aged student. The only other mature aged student we had went on a gap year after our first year so it was a little exciting to see some fresh meat. I ignored the presence of this new face until the break in between the info session and the showcase when he came over to me. He asked "When is barbecue? What is going on??" to which I replied "oh I think we're just watching the show case then the barbecue is after that".
"No no no. Someone told me subjects then barbecue 6:00. Why no barbecue?" he badgered.
"Ummm I think we have to watch performances first and then there's a barbecue," I said while shrinking into my seat.
"How long showcase?" he asked.
"I think it's one hour," I replied sheepishly.
"ONE HOUR?! BUT I'M HUNGRY NOW!!!" he said as he rubbed his belly. He promptly left after this delightful conversation to go harass more people over this ever so important barbecue. I made sure to sit on the other side of the theatre for the performances so I didn't have to hear about his ravenous state for the next hour.
As soon as the lights came on after the performance, he ran out at the speed of light knocking women and children over as they innocently left the theatre. Papers flying in his wake, wind blowing through the hair of passers by (this may or may not have happened but I don't let the truth get in the way of a good story).
As we exited the building and entered into the courtyard, he was already at the barbecue,
bread in hand waiting impatiently for the culinary geniuses manning the hot plate to serve him up a steaming sausage. As soon as the sausage hit that fluffy white slice, sauce was flying in all directions. Not just tomato, but BBQ sauce as well. Lots of it. This may have been the reason for the tomato sauce running out only minutes later. With the speed of a super hero, he had grabbed a beer and was harassing people to open it for him even though it was a twist-top. He yelled "you're not my friend!" to anyone who would not open it for him. Real mature. Never have I ever seen someone eat a sausage and drink a beer so quickly. If he was in an eating competition, I would have bet my house on this guy. After he literally inhaled his first beer and sausage, he went straight to the front of the line like a true VIP to grab his next sizzling victim. After doing this another four times, he vanished. POOF! GONE! IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE....from the barbecue. I asked around, no one knew who this mysterious Asian man was, even the staff.
I look back on this fateful day as the day I met the original BBQ crasher.
I am severely regretting not getting picture or video evidence of this event.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Things I miss from my childhood
I'm having one of those days where I just want to go back to being a kid. Here are some of the things I miss doing:
- Playing 40-40. I swear it was actually the best game and you could play it with kids you just met so that you could instantly become friends. If only people still wanted to play it now....
- Genuinly enjoying Macgyver and trying out all of his stunts in the backyard
- Building cubby houses with every sheet in the house and leaving the mess for mum to clean up
- Having the ability to blow two minute noodles out of my nose. People would be so impressed now if I could pull that out at the dinner table
- Doing cooking shows with mud, bugs and grass as ingredients
- Recording my own Christmas albums on my casette recorder
- Playing with my Barbies and living my life through them
- Hanging out at the play ground for hours and never getting bored
- Hunting for crabs under rocks at the beach
- Creating snow fields out of balls of newspaper and rolling in it
- Digging massive holes at the beach just so I can sit in them
- Making organisers and date books out of cardboard complete with qwerty keyboards
- Going to Mcdonalds for someone's birthday party because it was a cool venue
- Playing dressups
Thursday, October 27, 2011
What the queen taught me
When you think about some of the most influential people in the world right now, who springs to mind? Oprah? Obama? Justin Bieber? How about the Queen? As an Australian, everytime I go to buy something with a coin, I see her face. Since her most recent visit, I've got to thinking about a question I was asked by a German reporter: "As a female, how do you think the Queen represents female rights?" My first thought was that she isn't equal to any man, she is above them all. I mean, she's THE QUEEN. Duh. But then it reminded me of how truly lucky I am to be living in a country like Australia. Australian women are so blessed to have the freedom to marry who we want, have a job that earns a justified income and wear whatever our heart desires. Many countries aren't so lucky. I recently wrote an essay on wedding rituals and arranged marriages in Pakistan so I thought I'd share a short snippet of it with you. I was so heartbroken when researching for this essay.
In Middle Eastern countries such as Pakistan, arranged marriages are common place and are a traditional rite of passage that all women must go through in order to keep her family’s honour. However, if this tradition is broken then the family’s honour is destroyed and certain things must be done to reclaim this honour.
If a woman is to run away from her marriage, she is usually hunted down by her family and forced to return. It is very common for women to be murdered by a brother or her father in order to restore the honour within a family. Police generally ignore this type of violence. If a woman asks the courts for help and succeeds, she is usually put into what is called an “asylum” or “institution” but in reality it resembles a prison like structure where their family wait ominously at the gates salivating at the thought of restitution. There is literally no escape for a woman once she is married. Many women are practically slaves to their suitors, constantly suffering rape and being subject to physical, verbal and mental abuse. Their spirit is slowly crushed until a shell of a woman remains. Countless women commit suicide as they would prefer to die than stay in their loveless, abusive marriages. The most common way for these women to kill themselves is to set themselves on fire to show their husbands the pain they would rather endure than spend the rest of their lives with them.
In Western culture, forced marriage is considered to be a violation of human rights with the Roman Catholic Church allowing annulments for marriages if both parties do not agree to the relationship. In what we would call a civilised Western society, it is hard to understand how a country could believe in forcing people into a loveless marriage. Not only is this happening in countries in the Middle East but the illegal trade of women for marriage is still happening in places like USA and the UK. Many families from Pakistan living in these countries still believe in the arranged marriage of their daughters and hence send them back to Pakistan to marry a man they have never met. If this is not possible, they host illegal weddings neglecting the traditional celebrations of their country just so their family can live in honour and not embarrassment by having an unmarried daughter.
We must learn to appreciate what we are given in our wonderful country as many women live under oppression and in poverty. I am so grateful for my wonderful family, having a beautiful home and being able to have freedom of speech and choice. We may not all be born into royalty but we can learn from the Queen that it is always important to be graceful and appreciative of the gifts that are bestowed upon us. Live in kindness, thankfulness and love.
In Middle Eastern countries such as Pakistan, arranged marriages are common place and are a traditional rite of passage that all women must go through in order to keep her family’s honour. However, if this tradition is broken then the family’s honour is destroyed and certain things must be done to reclaim this honour.
If a woman is to run away from her marriage, she is usually hunted down by her family and forced to return. It is very common for women to be murdered by a brother or her father in order to restore the honour within a family. Police generally ignore this type of violence. If a woman asks the courts for help and succeeds, she is usually put into what is called an “asylum” or “institution” but in reality it resembles a prison like structure where their family wait ominously at the gates salivating at the thought of restitution. There is literally no escape for a woman once she is married. Many women are practically slaves to their suitors, constantly suffering rape and being subject to physical, verbal and mental abuse. Their spirit is slowly crushed until a shell of a woman remains. Countless women commit suicide as they would prefer to die than stay in their loveless, abusive marriages. The most common way for these women to kill themselves is to set themselves on fire to show their husbands the pain they would rather endure than spend the rest of their lives with them.
In Western culture, forced marriage is considered to be a violation of human rights with the Roman Catholic Church allowing annulments for marriages if both parties do not agree to the relationship. In what we would call a civilised Western society, it is hard to understand how a country could believe in forcing people into a loveless marriage. Not only is this happening in countries in the Middle East but the illegal trade of women for marriage is still happening in places like USA and the UK. Many families from Pakistan living in these countries still believe in the arranged marriage of their daughters and hence send them back to Pakistan to marry a man they have never met. If this is not possible, they host illegal weddings neglecting the traditional celebrations of their country just so their family can live in honour and not embarrassment by having an unmarried daughter.
We must learn to appreciate what we are given in our wonderful country as many women live under oppression and in poverty. I am so grateful for my wonderful family, having a beautiful home and being able to have freedom of speech and choice. We may not all be born into royalty but we can learn from the Queen that it is always important to be graceful and appreciative of the gifts that are bestowed upon us. Live in kindness, thankfulness and love.
The Queen!
I am proud to say that I breathed the same air as Her Majesty the Queen. Sure I couldn't get close enough to see her in the flesh and only saw her on the big screen at Federation Square but I think that still counts! She looked so elegant is what was described as "shocking pink" and seemed ever gracious as she collected countless bouquets of flowers from adoring fans. If you're worried about what happens to all the flowers she was given, they were apparently all distributed to Melbourne hospitals. I attended the appearance of the Queen as a cheerleader for Nova100. We had an absolute ball but it was near impossible to get a peep out of the crowd. Everyone was so quiet and respectful. I feel bad in hindsight for calling the crowd pathetic after they were only reserving themselves for the arrival of their beloved queen. Some of the funniest moments from that day were the Asian tourists pushing each other out of the way for photos with us, the creepy guys saying that they'd rather see us than the queen and the adorable little girls dressed up as princesses and practicing their curtsies.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Caulfield Cup and Caulfield Guineas
Sometimes I feel a bit special when I get jobs like this one when I got to host at the Pegasus Marquee at The Caulfield Cup as well as Caulfield Guineas day! I was dressed from head to toe in Allanah Hill & Mimco with my grooming being done in the same room as the beautiful Giaan Rooney. The marquee played host to some wonderful and rather interesting celebrities such as Jesinta Campbell, Pauline Hanson. Warwick Capper and the guys from Farmer Wants a Wife (hugely awkward when I had a conversation with them about what they did for a living as I had no idea who they were...). My tips from the races are:
- Wear bold, bright colours
- If you're in a marquee, do not take advantage of the free alcohol too much
- NEVER take off your heels no matter how much pain you're in
- Please keep your boobs in your dress
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Problem child
I am the middle child and apparently the problem child. Yeah, I'm bad arse. I just can't help it, I'm a rebel without a cause. The things I have been in trouble for lately are:
- Leaving my curtains open while I get changed, hence being labelled an exhibitionist
- Wearing the wrong shoes or bag with my outfit and being told that I lack class and can't dress myself
- Not wearing enough makeup, fake tan or having inadequate volume in my hair
- Not cleaning my room, which apparently means I have no self pride or respect
- Eating two breakfasts. This was just ridiculous though, I mean, I'm not about to say no to a bacon & egg roll and pancakes. Am I right? Am I RIGHT?!
Let's face it people, I'm trouble. Mum's right, I'm really not reaching my potential. I'm pretty much on my way to smoking pot, shooting up, sniffing cocaine in the toilets of a night club, getting knocked up, tattooing "thug lyf" on my lower back and becoming a stripper. Who knows the lengths I'll go to! I'm a dangerous person! Lock up your sons!
- Leaving my curtains open while I get changed, hence being labelled an exhibitionist
- Wearing the wrong shoes or bag with my outfit and being told that I lack class and can't dress myself
- Not wearing enough makeup, fake tan or having inadequate volume in my hair
- Not cleaning my room, which apparently means I have no self pride or respect
- Eating two breakfasts. This was just ridiculous though, I mean, I'm not about to say no to a bacon & egg roll and pancakes. Am I right? Am I RIGHT?!
Let's face it people, I'm trouble. Mum's right, I'm really not reaching my potential. I'm pretty much on my way to smoking pot, shooting up, sniffing cocaine in the toilets of a night club, getting knocked up, tattooing "thug lyf" on my lower back and becoming a stripper. Who knows the lengths I'll go to! I'm a dangerous person! Lock up your sons!
Monday, September 26, 2011
Maybe get a real baby?
When I first saw this, I couldn't believe it was a TV show. Then I thought to myself, what kind of person has a monkey as a baby?! I got a bit jealous because the monkeys are really cute and now I want one. This is so American. What an odd train of thought: why have a baby when you could have a monkey?
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Criteria for formal dates
As it is, my adorable darling little brother Andrew attends a private boys school that is constantly in the media spotlight for being rebellious spoilt little brats. According to my brother, his year 12 formal is one of the biggest events in Melbourne, second to the Bronlow Medal. This event is more commonly known as the Red & Black Ball.... the formal that I never got invited to. I was pretty devestated by the fact that I never got to go and am currently trying to convince my brother to let one of his friends take me so I can finally go. I lead a sad existance. Only the other day, I was sent a photo by my brother while he was at school. This was the photo:
I'm gonna stop you right there. Go home.
It's time to analyse the way guys are trying to pick up girls once again. I'm getting more and more concerned by the things that guys are saying to girls to try to get in there. Number one on the agenda: when did it become cool again to ask someone their star sign?? I was getting harassed by a very persistant dude at work the other day who had memorised my outfit from the week before when he was at the restaurant and he whipped out the line "so, what's your starsign?". The nineties called and they want their pick up line back. When I told him that I was a sagittarius, he replied with "well that explains why I'm so attracted to you". What the shiznit? I eventually thought I'd get rid of him by pointing out the obvious difference in our ages, saying how he was fourteen when I was born and twenty years old when I was six.
Seriously, what does someone's starsign really have to do with their personality? According to mine, I am Optimistic, freedom-loving, Jovial, good-humored, Honest, straightforward, Intellectual and philosophical. I don't even know what jovial means. Haha on the website where I just found out that information was an ad for "singles wanting compatible relationships". How appropriate. Apparently today is all about work. What a joy.
Another strange thing guys are starting to do is be strangely forward. They do this by saying "I'm sorry to bother you but you're really beautiful. Just so you know". K thanks. What do they expect a girl to do? Drop at their feet and tend to their every need? It really annoys me when a guy says that he finds me attractive and asks me if I'd like to go out for dinner or a drink before even speaking to me. Dude, I could be an axe murderer and you wouldn't even know until I'm throwing your severed leg over my shoulder.
Girls will not be impressed if a guy is bragging about himself, showing photos of himself or name dropping. I have been shown pictures of abs, portfolio style business cards and told about all of the awesome people that a guy is "great friends" with. Pass me a bucket. I'd rather hear about someone's travel stories, the job they love or their fantastic family.
If a guy wants to impress a girl, tell a funny joke, ask her what her opinion is on something or actually ask her about herself. Always remember that a person's favourite topic is themselves.
Is it really so hard for people to be witty, engaging and interested in someone other than themselves? End of rant.
Seriously, what does someone's starsign really have to do with their personality? According to mine, I am Optimistic, freedom-loving, Jovial, good-humored, Honest, straightforward, Intellectual and philosophical. I don't even know what jovial means. Haha on the website where I just found out that information was an ad for "singles wanting compatible relationships". How appropriate. Apparently today is all about work. What a joy.
Another strange thing guys are starting to do is be strangely forward. They do this by saying "I'm sorry to bother you but you're really beautiful. Just so you know". K thanks. What do they expect a girl to do? Drop at their feet and tend to their every need? It really annoys me when a guy says that he finds me attractive and asks me if I'd like to go out for dinner or a drink before even speaking to me. Dude, I could be an axe murderer and you wouldn't even know until I'm throwing your severed leg over my shoulder.
Girls will not be impressed if a guy is bragging about himself, showing photos of himself or name dropping. I have been shown pictures of abs, portfolio style business cards and told about all of the awesome people that a guy is "great friends" with. Pass me a bucket. I'd rather hear about someone's travel stories, the job they love or their fantastic family.
If a guy wants to impress a girl, tell a funny joke, ask her what her opinion is on something or actually ask her about herself. Always remember that a person's favourite topic is themselves.
Is it really so hard for people to be witty, engaging and interested in someone other than themselves? End of rant.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
POST SECRET APP!!!
Yay! The postsecret app for iPhone is out! I'm so excited! I've been waiting for this for so long! OBSESSED!!!
Sadistic humour
Call me sadistic but ever since I watched this video yesterday in class while doing shit all I could not stop laughing. It's just so unexpected! Then her face at the end when she's all dazed as she staggers towards the camera. I was in tears when I first watched this video. Enjoy my pretties.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Premature aging
I may be only twenty years old but sometimes I look around me and think "I am way too old for this shit". I see people going out, getting trashed, making out with at least three people and stumbling home at 5am before waking up at midday with a dreaful hangover. Call me boring but I'd much rather go out for an enormous dinner, go to a gallery/ fashion launch or head out for a couple of quiet cocktails and be in bed by midnight. I value my sleep too much plus my immune system sucks so I get sick all the time. I don't quite understand the culture of going out until the wee hours of the morning and drinking until you can no longer stand. I don't know about everyone else but I don't want photos appearing of me the next day where I'm sandwiched between a snookie lookalike and a maori tribesman or of me lying on the street in a pool of my own vomit. I'd rather go home looking similar to what I looked like when I left the house rather than missing a shoe and with mascara running down my face.
Occassionally I feel as though I'm getting old before my time but then I remind myself that there's no point in forcing myself to do something that will make me feel stupid or less like me. But you know, if you like to go out till six in the morning then that's fine! Be yourself! I am :)
Occassionally I feel as though I'm getting old before my time but then I remind myself that there's no point in forcing myself to do something that will make me feel stupid or less like me. But you know, if you like to go out till six in the morning then that's fine! Be yourself! I am :)
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Kayser Bombshell bra launch!
http://www.novafm.com.au/nova100/video_which-model-is-wearing-a-push-up-bra_112867
Virgin Australia TVC
This is so strange. This is my first ever TV commercial. I shot it about two months ago for the new Virgin lounge at Melbourne airport. I can't explain how odd it is to see myself on TV. Bizarre.
Mina & Katusha- Cote d'Azure
I have been working with the talented designers of Mina & Katusha Katya Baxter and Sarina Zammit for a while now and over this time I have become more and more emotionally involved in their brand and exceedingly more proud of the two of them. They work their arses off and have just launched their new Spring/ Summer collection Cote d'Azure. It is incredible. It is inspired by the French Riviera and involved beautiful silks, stunning colours and hand painted paterns. I could not be happier for the girls.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Who's the best?
At the moment, I am studying a Bachelor of Performing Arts at Monash University. Generally this means I don't have any exams, get marked on performances where I imitate a testical and do slow motion exercises involving me moving from one chair to another in 15 minutes. Also in this course, part of our requirements is to attend performances outside of class. Now I take lazy to the epic level and for me to actually do something out of class is a huge pain the arse so when we were told that we must go to at least two performances, I was less than enthused. That was until the first performance began.
I was lucky enough to go to see "Who's the best?" at the Arts House Meat Markets performed by an hilarious trio from Sydney. These talented people are Zoe Coombs Marr, Mish Grigor and Natalie Rose (with Eden Falk). The performance was based around a competition between the three of them with the final outcome being attaining the knowledge of who is in fact the best. The criteria of this contest is broken down into categories such as looks, personality and special skills which are then broken down into sub categories and then further into sub sub categories. It got me to thinking, how would you decide who is the best? What makes someone THE BEST?! What percentage does each category recieve? And has a person's status changed with newer thinking and technology such as social networking sites?
I wonder, does your amount of friends on facebook or number of followers on twitter become a measure of your worthyness? Or does it mean your mental health suffers as a result of a constant obsession with how many likes your recent status update recieves?
How much emphasis is put on a person's looks? In the modelling world, it doesn't matter if you have a PHD in medical science or are the head of PETA. If you're not a size 8 or below, above 5'8" and have everything perfectly sound, you're not going to get anywhere. I was once told "don't wear those bathers to castings. I know they represent your personality but there is no time for that in this industry". Ridiculous? Yeah it is. Would this mean that in different social circles, more emphasis would be put on categories that involve a person's outward appearance rather than other personal traits?
How important is it really to be a super brain either? Some of the nicest and most indearing people I know have been called stupid by at least one other person. Who cares if they can't recite the periodic table off by heart? Does that make them a bad person because they don't retain the knowledge that some others do? Why should that make them inferior? Some people think I'm stupid sometimes when they first meet me because I have a SUPER high pitched voice and am overly enthusiastic all the time. I've come to realise that if someone will judge you that quickly then you probably don't want to be friends with them anyway. Isn't it much more important to treat people with kindness and integrity?
I feel as though "goodness" should be a category. Like people who give to that hobo singing "I will survive" on a streetcorner or who take the time out of their day to listen to other people's problems rather than obsess over their own. People have their own opinions on what is considered "good" in a person. Examples of that include vegetarians who don't eat meat as they do not approve of the way in which animals are killed. That's all fine and I accept that but don't go around wearing suede boots, a leather jacket and a fur vest while preaching to me that humans weren't born to eat meat and that I should stop because I'm harming the environment. If you don't wear animal skins and furs or have them in your home, fine, but don't tell me to stop eating my delicious juicy steak when you're cosy in your furs!
I like a good skill. I WILL be impressed if you can tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue, can play guitar like Santana or can do flips in the air. To me, that makes a person that much cooler. I'm very easily impressed as well and I love a good joke. I also like food in large quantities so if someone can cook for me then I will love them forever.
The last but not least category that I will care to mention is personality. People who don't speak are dreary and ruin my day. It is also hugely frustrating when someone finds only one thing in common with you and is to lazy to find out anything else about you so they only ever speak to you about the one topic. GET A PERSONALITY! It will pay off, I guaruntee it or your money back.
I was lucky enough to go to see "Who's the best?" at the Arts House Meat Markets performed by an hilarious trio from Sydney. These talented people are Zoe Coombs Marr, Mish Grigor and Natalie Rose (with Eden Falk). The performance was based around a competition between the three of them with the final outcome being attaining the knowledge of who is in fact the best. The criteria of this contest is broken down into categories such as looks, personality and special skills which are then broken down into sub categories and then further into sub sub categories. It got me to thinking, how would you decide who is the best? What makes someone THE BEST?! What percentage does each category recieve? And has a person's status changed with newer thinking and technology such as social networking sites?
I wonder, does your amount of friends on facebook or number of followers on twitter become a measure of your worthyness? Or does it mean your mental health suffers as a result of a constant obsession with how many likes your recent status update recieves?
How much emphasis is put on a person's looks? In the modelling world, it doesn't matter if you have a PHD in medical science or are the head of PETA. If you're not a size 8 or below, above 5'8" and have everything perfectly sound, you're not going to get anywhere. I was once told "don't wear those bathers to castings. I know they represent your personality but there is no time for that in this industry". Ridiculous? Yeah it is. Would this mean that in different social circles, more emphasis would be put on categories that involve a person's outward appearance rather than other personal traits?
How important is it really to be a super brain either? Some of the nicest and most indearing people I know have been called stupid by at least one other person. Who cares if they can't recite the periodic table off by heart? Does that make them a bad person because they don't retain the knowledge that some others do? Why should that make them inferior? Some people think I'm stupid sometimes when they first meet me because I have a SUPER high pitched voice and am overly enthusiastic all the time. I've come to realise that if someone will judge you that quickly then you probably don't want to be friends with them anyway. Isn't it much more important to treat people with kindness and integrity?
I feel as though "goodness" should be a category. Like people who give to that hobo singing "I will survive" on a streetcorner or who take the time out of their day to listen to other people's problems rather than obsess over their own. People have their own opinions on what is considered "good" in a person. Examples of that include vegetarians who don't eat meat as they do not approve of the way in which animals are killed. That's all fine and I accept that but don't go around wearing suede boots, a leather jacket and a fur vest while preaching to me that humans weren't born to eat meat and that I should stop because I'm harming the environment. If you don't wear animal skins and furs or have them in your home, fine, but don't tell me to stop eating my delicious juicy steak when you're cosy in your furs!
I like a good skill. I WILL be impressed if you can tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue, can play guitar like Santana or can do flips in the air. To me, that makes a person that much cooler. I'm very easily impressed as well and I love a good joke. I also like food in large quantities so if someone can cook for me then I will love them forever.
The last but not least category that I will care to mention is personality. People who don't speak are dreary and ruin my day. It is also hugely frustrating when someone finds only one thing in common with you and is to lazy to find out anything else about you so they only ever speak to you about the one topic. GET A PERSONALITY! It will pay off, I guaruntee it or your money back.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Chi-town and Rhode Island
On my last trip overseas, I headed back to the US after five days in London. I made videos of both of them yet I'm way too drunk in the London one so I feel as though I should censor you all and not upload it. My trip to America was incredible, visiting Chicago and Rhode Island. Chicago was enormous and spectacular. I literally had to work out for an hour everyday to keep from becoming the size of a house. The food was amazing including sumptuous hot dogs, delicious giant pretzels and greasy deep dish pizzas. I love my food so I didn't say no to anything that was put in front of me. Buffallo wings were a new delicacy for me so I chowed down on those in between large servings of bagels & cream cheese and enchilladas. Everything was either dipped in cheese, covered in BBQ sauce or deep fried. Can anyone say AMAZING? Sure it's not cultured cuisine but it sure was delicious. I ate the best nachos in the world from a baseball helmet at a White Sox game and slurped down Miller Lite in Wrigleyville.
Rhode Island on the other hand was small and beautiful. I stayed in Newport, which is a small seaside town filled with enormous mansions, giant yachts, beautiful beaches and adorable seaside restaurants. It will forever go down as one of the prettiest places I've ever visited. I sampled clam chowder, lobster mac & cheese and as much homemade lemonade as I could drink. I stayed in a beautiful mansion owned by the Keefe family that was home to their seven children and four standard poodles- one of which took a particular liking to me, yikes.
One thing I do have to say about America is that I was surprised how amazingly friendly, helpful and welcoming everyone was. The people in America really are the most lovely people I have ever met. They're so full of life all the time and will always surprise you.
Rhode Island on the other hand was small and beautiful. I stayed in Newport, which is a small seaside town filled with enormous mansions, giant yachts, beautiful beaches and adorable seaside restaurants. It will forever go down as one of the prettiest places I've ever visited. I sampled clam chowder, lobster mac & cheese and as much homemade lemonade as I could drink. I stayed in a beautiful mansion owned by the Keefe family that was home to their seven children and four standard poodles- one of which took a particular liking to me, yikes.
One thing I do have to say about America is that I was surprised how amazingly friendly, helpful and welcoming everyone was. The people in America really are the most lovely people I have ever met. They're so full of life all the time and will always surprise you.
Footy tips video
Here's the video I shot for Herald Sun for their Round 17 Footy on My Mind segment :)
P&G Salon conference
Last Saturday night, I was luckily enough to be involved in the P&G Wella Professional Salon Conference at the beautiful Hotel Windsor in Melbourne CBD. Each of the models represented an influential and powerful woman from the decades from the 1920's up until now. These women included Coco Chanel, Madonna, Betty Davis and many more beautiful and inspiring women. The MC for the night was the stunning and talented Justine McInerney. I was styled as Katharine Hepburn. Do you see the resemblance?
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Middle Child Syndrome
Today I decided to have a little rant. I feel as though all the middle children out there can relate. Whoever says "middle child syndrome" doesn't exist is a dirty dirty liar. I am a middle child and it sucks. I don't quite understand how it got to this stage. I'm writing this because I'm all huffy about an incident that happened today. I walked the thousand steps today, because I'm a fucking champion, and I was therefore late to work as was previously discussed with my mum. As it is, I work for my mum in a gift shop so yes she can't fire me and I'm usually on facebook or playing the Sims all day but whatever. When I got home, I was as sweaty as a 13 year old at a Justin Bieber concert hence immediate action was required. I got to work at 12:10, which, unbeknownst to me was late. Why was I late? My mum had a lunch date with my older sister to which I was not invited. As I was writing this, my mum just called. The conversation went like this:
Mum: "Have you had anyone in? What are you doing?"
Me: "Nop, I'm bored. I'm doing important business related tasks."- meaning I was watching inbetweeners clips on youtube
Mum: "I sold an overnight bag."
Me: "Oh congratulations, I'll make you a medal."
Mum: "It's better than you ever do. Stephanie sold FOUR paintings last week."
Rude mum. Just rude.
Our family is really eventful, I'm actually surprised no one has jumped on the idea of making "Keeping up with the Macfarlane's". My sister is Kim, my brother is Kourtney and I'm Khloe. On a particular episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians, Khloe tried to make Kris have a maternity test to prove that Khloe is in fact her daughter as she says that she is treated differently to the others. I'm tempted, I mean I look nothing like my mum. I got jibbed. Mum got big boobs, let's just say I didn't quite inherit those and mum let's me know it. Also something funky, dad gives my sister a kiss everytime she gets home from work, talks baby to her and they have "cuddles". Eew. I'm happy with a fist pump. The affection I get from dad is when he discusses how he has noticed that I have acquired cellulite. At the dinner table. In front of company. Love you too dad!
I feel like this favouritism started years ago, even as a child. I may sound like I have a chip on my shoulder or that I'm overreacting....and maybe I am but I still feel as though I'm missing out. I swear to God everytime I go out or I'm not home, my family goes out for dinner. Another problem is that my clothes keep mysteriously disappearing from my room....and ending up in the storage closet? I recently found out that if my mum doesn't like me clothes, she hides them so I can't wear them. Sneaky.
Ok, there's my little bitch. It's sickening even to me how much of a spoilt brat I am.
Replace "Meg" with "Emily"
Mum: "Have you had anyone in? What are you doing?"
Me: "Nop, I'm bored. I'm doing important business related tasks."- meaning I was watching inbetweeners clips on youtube
Mum: "I sold an overnight bag."
Me: "Oh congratulations, I'll make you a medal."
Mum: "It's better than you ever do. Stephanie sold FOUR paintings last week."
Rude mum. Just rude.
Our family is really eventful, I'm actually surprised no one has jumped on the idea of making "Keeping up with the Macfarlane's". My sister is Kim, my brother is Kourtney and I'm Khloe. On a particular episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians, Khloe tried to make Kris have a maternity test to prove that Khloe is in fact her daughter as she says that she is treated differently to the others. I'm tempted, I mean I look nothing like my mum. I got jibbed. Mum got big boobs, let's just say I didn't quite inherit those and mum let's me know it. Also something funky, dad gives my sister a kiss everytime she gets home from work, talks baby to her and they have "cuddles". Eew. I'm happy with a fist pump. The affection I get from dad is when he discusses how he has noticed that I have acquired cellulite. At the dinner table. In front of company. Love you too dad!
I feel like this favouritism started years ago, even as a child. I may sound like I have a chip on my shoulder or that I'm overreacting....and maybe I am but I still feel as though I'm missing out. I swear to God everytime I go out or I'm not home, my family goes out for dinner. Another problem is that my clothes keep mysteriously disappearing from my room....and ending up in the storage closet? I recently found out that if my mum doesn't like me clothes, she hides them so I can't wear them. Sneaky.
Ok, there's my little bitch. It's sickening even to me how much of a spoilt brat I am.
Replace "Meg" with "Emily"
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Lying tourists
I’ve begun to notice a ridiculous amount of travel being done by people I know. It’s become the cool thing to do and if you’re not doing it, there’s something wrong with you. I can’t stand it when someone who travels a lot or have done so in the past claims they caught the “travel bug” and won’t stop going on about the cool things they’ve done and giving you advice on places they’ve been. I admit, I travel a lot so maybe I’m just as bad as these people...yikes. I do notice though that these people leave out a lot when telling people about their awesome time they had overseas. I’m here to inform you.
Number 1: “OMG it was so funny. I had a flight at like, 5am so I just went straight from the clubs to the airport! Such a good idea!”
WTF?! This is a blatant lie. I will bet you a hundred bucks they were in the bathroom throwing up last night’s tequila or queezilly eyeing off their vomit bag. There is nothing worse than flying hungover or super drunk. I’ve flown hungover a few times and it is revolting. I guarantee you that flying makes your hangover at least five times worse. If you can sleep it off a little in the plane it helps but usually you just feel like arse. NEVER go out the night before you fly unless your flight isn’t until at least 12:30pm.
Number 2: “I was so jetlagged for about a week, it was so shit.”
I don’t really believe in jetlag that much. I think it’s people just not regulating their sleep and being pussies. I’ve been jetlagged maybe twice before???? Seriously, if you get some sleep on the plane and go to bed at the earliest 9pm in your destination then you should be fine. You may be tired early at night for the next few nights but it is not that bad if you man up and throw back a red bull.
Number 3: “I just love travelling. It’s awesome being in one place and then the next day being half way across the world!”
Ummm yeah, except that it takes at least a day to get half way across the world and generally two days to get back because of the time difference. Super fail. I recently had to travel from London to Melbourne. Now, I had to be back by Friday but was only informed on Monday night. I left on Wednesday night arriving on Friday morning. It is pretty difficult to change your plans once you are overseas if you have to come home. Plus, you get off the plane not being able to fit into your shoes because your feet have swollen, your face has broken out, your hair is greasy and the rest of your body feels like jelly. Let’s face it, there’s not a lot you can do when you first arrive somewhere after a long plane trip.
Number 4: “I sat next to this super hot guy (or girl...whatever floats your boat) and we talked the whole way there! Then we went out that night!”
Until my last long haul flight, I had never really spoken to anyone for longer than five minutes on a plane. Generally you get stuck next to someone who has one or more of these problems:
• Their fat is spilling under the arm rest onto your chair
• They smell like Jenna Jameson’s bed on a weeknight
• They’ve fallen asleep on your shoulder and their drool is running down your arm
• They have a bladder the size of a peanut
• They either have the nostril or anal symphonics of a freight train
I’m just going to put it out there- don’t ever expect anyone good to be sitting next to you. It won’t happen. Never. Ever. Unless you’re super lucky. But usually, no.
Don’t get me wrong, I love travelling but I can’t stand flying. It makes me want to throw myself of a cliff. Call me cynical but I find it the most horrible thing in the world...pardon the pun. Was that even a pun? Or a funny joke? Doubtful. I’ll stop now.
Number 1: “OMG it was so funny. I had a flight at like, 5am so I just went straight from the clubs to the airport! Such a good idea!”
WTF?! This is a blatant lie. I will bet you a hundred bucks they were in the bathroom throwing up last night’s tequila or queezilly eyeing off their vomit bag. There is nothing worse than flying hungover or super drunk. I’ve flown hungover a few times and it is revolting. I guarantee you that flying makes your hangover at least five times worse. If you can sleep it off a little in the plane it helps but usually you just feel like arse. NEVER go out the night before you fly unless your flight isn’t until at least 12:30pm.
Number 2: “I was so jetlagged for about a week, it was so shit.”
I don’t really believe in jetlag that much. I think it’s people just not regulating their sleep and being pussies. I’ve been jetlagged maybe twice before???? Seriously, if you get some sleep on the plane and go to bed at the earliest 9pm in your destination then you should be fine. You may be tired early at night for the next few nights but it is not that bad if you man up and throw back a red bull.
Number 3: “I just love travelling. It’s awesome being in one place and then the next day being half way across the world!”
Ummm yeah, except that it takes at least a day to get half way across the world and generally two days to get back because of the time difference. Super fail. I recently had to travel from London to Melbourne. Now, I had to be back by Friday but was only informed on Monday night. I left on Wednesday night arriving on Friday morning. It is pretty difficult to change your plans once you are overseas if you have to come home. Plus, you get off the plane not being able to fit into your shoes because your feet have swollen, your face has broken out, your hair is greasy and the rest of your body feels like jelly. Let’s face it, there’s not a lot you can do when you first arrive somewhere after a long plane trip.
Number 4: “I sat next to this super hot guy (or girl...whatever floats your boat) and we talked the whole way there! Then we went out that night!”
Until my last long haul flight, I had never really spoken to anyone for longer than five minutes on a plane. Generally you get stuck next to someone who has one or more of these problems:
• Their fat is spilling under the arm rest onto your chair
• They smell like Jenna Jameson’s bed on a weeknight
• They’ve fallen asleep on your shoulder and their drool is running down your arm
• They have a bladder the size of a peanut
• They either have the nostril or anal symphonics of a freight train
I’m just going to put it out there- don’t ever expect anyone good to be sitting next to you. It won’t happen. Never. Ever. Unless you’re super lucky. But usually, no.
Don’t get me wrong, I love travelling but I can’t stand flying. It makes me want to throw myself of a cliff. Call me cynical but I find it the most horrible thing in the world...pardon the pun. Was that even a pun? Or a funny joke? Doubtful. I’ll stop now.
Friday, June 24, 2011
When everyone thinks they're God....
I’ve begun to notice that there are more and more people out there who abuse their privilege when in a position of power- kind of similar to a Hitler like power trip minus the killing of large groups of people and funny moustache. I’m talking bouncers, ticket inspectors, parking officers and bag inspectors at the airport. These people are taking it too far and annoying the shit out of me. Shall we start with bouncers?
You know your typical bouncer, a beast of a man who could take you out in one punch and has probably done so to many patrons before you. These are the type of people you don’t want to mess with, not only because they can kick you out of a club but because they could get you placed in a hospital. The thing that kills me is when you’re waiting in a queue in the freezing cold and a group of 15 year old girls in tops disguised as dresses walk towards the front of the line. Their parents don’t even know that they’re out on a school night but they just got let into a club ahead of all of the people who legally should be allowed in. I was recently told about an encounter between a group of guys that I know and a bouncer at a popular nightclub in Melbourne *cough* Boutique *cough*. These well dressed lads strolled up to the front door only to be greeted with “nah not tonight boys” by the bouncer. These chums were clearly surprised by this statement and when they questioned as to why this was the case, they were met with “it’s just not gonna happen tonight, see ya”. These guys were knocked back for no other reason than the bouncer just didn’t feel like letting them in.
Another group of people who love abusing their power is ticket officers on the train. Let me pose this question to you: why should someone have to pay a $175 fine for not paying the extra $2 when purchasing a concession ticket to which they can show evidence of a student card proving that they are in fact entitled to a concession card? I am really lazy and haven’t been bothered to get my concession form approved so when asked to show my concession card on a train a few weeks ago, I explained my story to the officer as well as showing him my student I.D. He then went on to take my details as well as use the line “anything you do say, can and will be used against you”. Who the hell did he think he was? A police officer on the set of Law & Order? No, he was just a wanker with a notepad and a fake badge.
This is one I know everyone can relate to: parking inspectors. I get so many parking fines and I have to write so many letters to councils showing them how truly incompetent their staff are. These people are so low that they will wait until the second hand ticks over while standing in front of someone’s car just so they can give them a ticket. Imagine being a ticket officer, somehow getting a girlfriend and meeting her parents for the first time. I imagine the conversation would go something like this:
Parking Inspector Twat: Hello Mr and Mrs Smith. What a FINE home you have. Shame you don’t have on street parking though.
Father of stupid girl dating Parking Inspector Twat: Oh why thankyou. So nice to finally meet you. Now, our daughter hasn’t told us what you do! Please tell!
Parking Inspector Twat: I’m a parking inspector (said while adjusting tie and whipping out plastic badge)
-----------------------------------------------------awkward silence----------------------------------------------------
Just a tip to all those reading, if you wish to have everyone dislike you for your entire life, become a parking inspector but if not, find another job.
Lastly, people at airports. It’s a commonly known fact that airlines stuff up all the time. There are not only delays and cancellations but other problems such as losing your bags and overbooking flights. Do people ever get compensation if their flight is delayed or cancelled? No. But the airline definitely gets to keep your money if you’re five minutes late for your flight. Lately the people who have been bothering me are people who check in your bags and the people at security screening. Tiger is the worst for checked baggage and carry on. I figure that their flights are so cheap so they can trick you into paying extra for EVERYTHING! Those bitches. I am a Qantas girl through and through and I will never fly with Tiger again after my experience with them. To put it simply, they charged me $30 to check in at the airport and tried to charge me $70 because my bag was 700g over the limit. Any problem you have at the check in can be solved if you flip a bitch and demand to see the manager. People do not like confrontation so they try to avoid it, meaning you will generally get your way by being an arsehole. I have encountered some really strange people in the security screening area also. On one of my recent trips, I got asked where I was going by one of the men checking the bags. When I replied “Africa”, he said “but you’re not black”. It transported me back to mean girls when Karen says “so if you’re from Africa, why are you white?” but this was some 45 year old guy at the airport. I was also more recently informed that skipping ropes aren’t allowed on aeroplanes as they are considered a weapon as they can apparently strangle people or be used to tie them up. Riiiiiight. “Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive. Thanks a lot, bin Laden”.
You know your typical bouncer, a beast of a man who could take you out in one punch and has probably done so to many patrons before you. These are the type of people you don’t want to mess with, not only because they can kick you out of a club but because they could get you placed in a hospital. The thing that kills me is when you’re waiting in a queue in the freezing cold and a group of 15 year old girls in tops disguised as dresses walk towards the front of the line. Their parents don’t even know that they’re out on a school night but they just got let into a club ahead of all of the people who legally should be allowed in. I was recently told about an encounter between a group of guys that I know and a bouncer at a popular nightclub in Melbourne *cough* Boutique *cough*. These well dressed lads strolled up to the front door only to be greeted with “nah not tonight boys” by the bouncer. These chums were clearly surprised by this statement and when they questioned as to why this was the case, they were met with “it’s just not gonna happen tonight, see ya”. These guys were knocked back for no other reason than the bouncer just didn’t feel like letting them in.
Another group of people who love abusing their power is ticket officers on the train. Let me pose this question to you: why should someone have to pay a $175 fine for not paying the extra $2 when purchasing a concession ticket to which they can show evidence of a student card proving that they are in fact entitled to a concession card? I am really lazy and haven’t been bothered to get my concession form approved so when asked to show my concession card on a train a few weeks ago, I explained my story to the officer as well as showing him my student I.D. He then went on to take my details as well as use the line “anything you do say, can and will be used against you”. Who the hell did he think he was? A police officer on the set of Law & Order? No, he was just a wanker with a notepad and a fake badge.
This is one I know everyone can relate to: parking inspectors. I get so many parking fines and I have to write so many letters to councils showing them how truly incompetent their staff are. These people are so low that they will wait until the second hand ticks over while standing in front of someone’s car just so they can give them a ticket. Imagine being a ticket officer, somehow getting a girlfriend and meeting her parents for the first time. I imagine the conversation would go something like this:
Parking Inspector Twat: Hello Mr and Mrs Smith. What a FINE home you have. Shame you don’t have on street parking though.
Father of stupid girl dating Parking Inspector Twat: Oh why thankyou. So nice to finally meet you. Now, our daughter hasn’t told us what you do! Please tell!
Parking Inspector Twat: I’m a parking inspector (said while adjusting tie and whipping out plastic badge)
-----------------------------------------------------awkward silence----------------------------------------------------
Just a tip to all those reading, if you wish to have everyone dislike you for your entire life, become a parking inspector but if not, find another job.
Lastly, people at airports. It’s a commonly known fact that airlines stuff up all the time. There are not only delays and cancellations but other problems such as losing your bags and overbooking flights. Do people ever get compensation if their flight is delayed or cancelled? No. But the airline definitely gets to keep your money if you’re five minutes late for your flight. Lately the people who have been bothering me are people who check in your bags and the people at security screening. Tiger is the worst for checked baggage and carry on. I figure that their flights are so cheap so they can trick you into paying extra for EVERYTHING! Those bitches. I am a Qantas girl through and through and I will never fly with Tiger again after my experience with them. To put it simply, they charged me $30 to check in at the airport and tried to charge me $70 because my bag was 700g over the limit. Any problem you have at the check in can be solved if you flip a bitch and demand to see the manager. People do not like confrontation so they try to avoid it, meaning you will generally get your way by being an arsehole. I have encountered some really strange people in the security screening area also. On one of my recent trips, I got asked where I was going by one of the men checking the bags. When I replied “Africa”, he said “but you’re not black”. It transported me back to mean girls when Karen says “so if you’re from Africa, why are you white?” but this was some 45 year old guy at the airport. I was also more recently informed that skipping ropes aren’t allowed on aeroplanes as they are considered a weapon as they can apparently strangle people or be used to tie them up. Riiiiiight. “Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive. Thanks a lot, bin Laden”.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Post Secret
For quite a few years now, I have been religiously addicted to Post Secret. I love reading people's secrets but I've always been either too lazy or too scared to send in my own. Here are a few of my favourites I've collected over the years....maybe I share these secrets a little bit too.
maybe you would like to make your own....
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Waka Waka
Since I was a wee little one, I’ve always dreamed of travelling to Africa, in particular to see all of the animals. In April, I was lucky enough to make the trip to Johannesburg and Botswana. What I expected was pretty much the set of the Lion King. However, after arriving in a freezing cold Johannesburg I found myself asking “where is a jumper?” rather than “where is Simba hanging out these days?”. Well, for one, I was instantly corrected on my use of the word jumper as the South Africans call it a sweater- lame. They also call traffic lights “robots” and are constantly using the words “ya” and “as well”. For example, if we were to say “she ate all that and a bag of chips”, they would instead say “she ate all that and a bag of chips AS WELL”. The major difference about South Africa in comparison to Australia though is the crime level. I had heard from a reliable source.....ok, it was Cosmo and 60 Minutes but whatever......about the horrific events that happen in people’s everyday lives in Africa including rape, car jacking, shootings, robbery and assaults. From the actual South Africans that I did meet, they only spoke of their experiences with car jacking, robbery and assault, clearly not as bad as what 60 minutes made it out to be (*insert collar pulling here*). It’s quite funny to hear about it all because the South Africans tell the stories like it’s normal because it’s totally normal to shoot some guy in your apartment building because he embarrassed you in a meeting with your neighbours. And it’s normal to be gardening , feel something on your forehead and look up to be greeted by a large black man holding a gun to your head. And it’s normal to stop at the traffic lights, be pulled out of your car at gun point and have to run home in your knickers coz someone stole all your clothes while they were stealing your car. God Bless Australia.
I found it bizarre that electric fences were a necessity around every house, that you couldn’t have your bag on the seat next to you while driving for fear of your car being broken into while you’re in it or worse being shot and that all of the people living in Johannesburg have an emergency escape route in their car in case they are being followed. So apparently it wasn’t out of the ordinary when on my final night in Johannesburg while playing board games, I found myself immersed in darkness and being informed that the house two doors down was being robbed and the thieves had accidentally tripped the wrong wires. It’s a strange feeling when you look outside to see the light of torches shone by security checking for men who could be ready to rob or kill you.
Don’t get me wrong, Johannesburg is culturally so different and such a different experience and that’s essentially what makes it so interesting to visit. Their diets consist of mince meat, dried meat, sausages and sometimes a salad. I put on four kilos while I was over...plus you become a little less regular if you know what I mean. They call a barbeque a “braii” and eat these super long sausages that are cooked in a coil called “boerewores”. I love meat and it seemed the Africans were willing to provide for my every need. Every meal was delicious. I became obsessed with Biltong, which is pretty much beef jerky but more delicious, and dried mango. Neither of them you can really get in Australia without searching hard.
While in Botswana, we stayed at the Chobe Safari Lodge and the food there was no exception. Imagine buffet breakfasts and dinners including impala mince, roast warthog and kudu lasagne along with every other food you could ask for. It was heaven. In the mornings we went on game drives spotting lion paw prints (note that we did not see any actual lions), impala, kudu, warthogs, giraffe, puku, marabou and rare sightings of a jackal and a leopard tortoise. During the day, we cruised along the Chobe river gasping over countless Elephants, hippos, crocodiles, buffalo and fish eagles while sipping on beers and chowing down on biltong. It was so hard to believe that this enormous expanse of water was only there for a portion of the year while for the rest of the time it’s empty enough that the animals can migrate in huge packs to Namibia on the other side of the river. What was also difficult to believe that people could possibly kill such amazing animals. African elephants are endangered yet we saw hundreds of them...imagine just how endangered the lions are if they live in this area and we didn’t even see one of them.
On one of the days, we decided it would be fun to go fishing so off down the river we raced. The native Namibian man took us to the rapids where we quickly drifted down the river. It would have been great if he stopped casting my rod for me (which I can clearly do, although he thought I was incapable) and looked at where we going before we ran into a tree. Not only did I get smacked in the head but I also got covered in spiders, furry caterpillars and stick insects. As a female, I am terrified of bugs. Usually I’m fine with spiders if they’re on a wall but not when they’re crawling over me. As it was my fourth day in Botswana, I had become accustomed to large spiders running around, swarms of dragon flies in the air at all times and bugs snuggling into my shoes so at this stage I wasn’t too fussed when I was covered in them. I merely swatted them off and went back to fishing. Probably should have done a better job because when we returned to shore, I had no fish to show everyone, just an enormous spider bite on my back. I still have the scar four weeks later. Delightful.
Famous last words? We are all Africa....no Shakira, I think you'll find that is politically incorrect and racially offensive.
Yes this video isn't very interesting but it's all the animals I saw :)
I found it bizarre that electric fences were a necessity around every house, that you couldn’t have your bag on the seat next to you while driving for fear of your car being broken into while you’re in it or worse being shot and that all of the people living in Johannesburg have an emergency escape route in their car in case they are being followed. So apparently it wasn’t out of the ordinary when on my final night in Johannesburg while playing board games, I found myself immersed in darkness and being informed that the house two doors down was being robbed and the thieves had accidentally tripped the wrong wires. It’s a strange feeling when you look outside to see the light of torches shone by security checking for men who could be ready to rob or kill you.
Don’t get me wrong, Johannesburg is culturally so different and such a different experience and that’s essentially what makes it so interesting to visit. Their diets consist of mince meat, dried meat, sausages and sometimes a salad. I put on four kilos while I was over...plus you become a little less regular if you know what I mean. They call a barbeque a “braii” and eat these super long sausages that are cooked in a coil called “boerewores”. I love meat and it seemed the Africans were willing to provide for my every need. Every meal was delicious. I became obsessed with Biltong, which is pretty much beef jerky but more delicious, and dried mango. Neither of them you can really get in Australia without searching hard.
While in Botswana, we stayed at the Chobe Safari Lodge and the food there was no exception. Imagine buffet breakfasts and dinners including impala mince, roast warthog and kudu lasagne along with every other food you could ask for. It was heaven. In the mornings we went on game drives spotting lion paw prints (note that we did not see any actual lions), impala, kudu, warthogs, giraffe, puku, marabou and rare sightings of a jackal and a leopard tortoise. During the day, we cruised along the Chobe river gasping over countless Elephants, hippos, crocodiles, buffalo and fish eagles while sipping on beers and chowing down on biltong. It was so hard to believe that this enormous expanse of water was only there for a portion of the year while for the rest of the time it’s empty enough that the animals can migrate in huge packs to Namibia on the other side of the river. What was also difficult to believe that people could possibly kill such amazing animals. African elephants are endangered yet we saw hundreds of them...imagine just how endangered the lions are if they live in this area and we didn’t even see one of them.
On one of the days, we decided it would be fun to go fishing so off down the river we raced. The native Namibian man took us to the rapids where we quickly drifted down the river. It would have been great if he stopped casting my rod for me (which I can clearly do, although he thought I was incapable) and looked at where we going before we ran into a tree. Not only did I get smacked in the head but I also got covered in spiders, furry caterpillars and stick insects. As a female, I am terrified of bugs. Usually I’m fine with spiders if they’re on a wall but not when they’re crawling over me. As it was my fourth day in Botswana, I had become accustomed to large spiders running around, swarms of dragon flies in the air at all times and bugs snuggling into my shoes so at this stage I wasn’t too fussed when I was covered in them. I merely swatted them off and went back to fishing. Probably should have done a better job because when we returned to shore, I had no fish to show everyone, just an enormous spider bite on my back. I still have the scar four weeks later. Delightful.
Famous last words? We are all Africa....no Shakira, I think you'll find that is politically incorrect and racially offensive.
Yes this video isn't very interesting but it's all the animals I saw :)
Friday, May 13, 2011
Banging kok.
So in February I went to Thailand with four other girls and it's taken me this long to edit and upload just the Bangkok video. So please apprectiate it. I put my heart and soul into this video...I'm seriously challenged at editing. Koh Samui and Koh Phanang coming soon....
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About Me
- Emily Mac
- I'm a 20 year old performing arts student who likes her tims tams with milk and gets head aches when drinking water with a mint in her mouth