BBQ Crashers

You've heard of wedding crashers but now get ready for a scary new phenomenon: BBQ crashers. These people come alone or in pairs in search of beer and sausages...maybe a chicken wing as well. Be aware that this could happen to YOU. This incident I'm about to tell you all happened to me just yesterday. If you are afraid of people stealing innocent sausages and using obscene amounts of sauce, please turn away from your screen now.

It was a warm Tuesday afternoon in November and I had been called into University with my fellow students to clear up any re-enrolment issues, watch a few performances and have a barbecue. I wandered into the theatre with my friend James who often uses the phrases "fresh" and "the end". I noticed a middle aged Asian man sitting in the third row whom I didn't recognise at all so naturally I assumed he was an overbearing parent or some strange mature aged student. The only other mature aged student we had went on a gap year after our first year so it was a little exciting to see some fresh meat. I ignored the presence of this new face until the break in between the info session and the showcase when he came over to me. He asked "When is barbecue? What is going on??" to which I replied "oh I think we're just watching the show case then the barbecue is after that".
"No no no. Someone told me subjects then barbecue 6:00. Why no barbecue?" he badgered.
"Ummm I think we have to watch performances first and then there's a barbecue," I said while shrinking into my seat.
"How long showcase?" he asked.
"I think it's one hour," I replied sheepishly.
"ONE HOUR?! BUT I'M HUNGRY NOW!!!" he said as he rubbed his belly. He promptly left after this delightful conversation to go harass more people over this ever so important barbecue. I made sure to sit on the other side of the theatre for the performances so I didn't have to hear about his ravenous state for the next hour.
As soon as the lights came on after the performance, he ran out at the speed of light knocking women and children over as they innocently left the theatre. Papers flying in his wake, wind blowing through the hair of passers by (this may or may not have happened but I don't let the truth get in the way of a good story).
As we exited the building and entered into the courtyard, he was already at the barbecue,
bread in hand waiting impatiently for the culinary geniuses manning the hot plate to serve him up a steaming sausage. As soon as the sausage hit that fluffy white slice, sauce was flying in all directions. Not just tomato, but BBQ sauce as well. Lots of it. This may have been the reason for the tomato sauce running out only minutes later. With the speed of a super hero, he had grabbed a beer and was harassing people to open it for him even though it was a twist-top. He yelled "you're not my friend!" to anyone who would not open it for him. Real mature. Never have I ever seen someone eat a sausage and drink a beer so quickly. If he was in an eating competition, I would have bet my house on this guy. After he literally inhaled his first beer and sausage, he went straight to the front of the line like a true VIP to grab his next sizzling victim. After doing this another four times, he vanished. POOF! GONE! IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE....from the barbecue. I asked around, no one knew who this mysterious Asian man was, even the staff.
I look back on this fateful day as the day I met the original BBQ crasher.
I am severely regretting not getting picture or video evidence of this event.