How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways....

I have a beef to settle with men. It involves the way they express their appreciation of the female form. Women definitely do not act in this way...unless they’re a “woman of the night”, then it’s their job and it’s not a big deal. Men will yell out crude comments, whistle, toot their horn (which I do occasionally because I think I’m hilarious), stop women in the street and even leave their phone numbers on people’s car windshields. What do they expect the women to do?

Recently, I was going to get ice cream with my best friend in St Kilda as we do every Wednesday night because we’re cute. For those who don’t know the area of Fitzroy St too well, just know that at night all the weirdos come out of the woodwork, this includes drug addicts and deros. Back to my story! As we were crossing the road, we walk past two hobos who yell after us “looking good ladies”. I mean, really? What do they expect us to do, walk up to them and slip them our numbers? Similar thing used to occur when I’d walk my dog at the beach. All the- ummm let’s be politically correct here- men of Italian and Greek descent would line their cars up along the jogging track and just hang out there. When asked for my number several times after false enthusiasm expressed over my dog, I decided to choose a different walking route. You’d think it would be outrageous enough in Australia, think again. Europe kicks arse.

My first experience of Europe was when I had just passed my sweet sixteenth birthday. However, my teenage innocence was about to be destroyed. Every Tom, Dick and Harry had his say on how he felt about my sister and I. To say I was shocked, appalled and giggly was an understatement. The worst of it came when I was in a market in Florence and someone asked my dad if he could buy me. Dad said only if he had 50 euros. Thanks dad, love you too. It’s not just non-English speaking countries either.

England rates pretty high on my list of sexual predators. On my last trip, I had multiple creepy 40 year old guys stop me in the street, mention that I had “caught their eye” and ask me if I wanted to go for a drink. REALLY?!!?! I mean come on! NO! You just want to ask “has this ever actually worked for you?” but that would be harsh. I prefer to decline with a sincere “I’m actually going back to Australia tonight to feed my kangaroo, sorry”.

In reality, a man yelling out to you saying how attractive you are and that he wants to take you home may in fact want this in his dreams but when confronted with a female who would like to satisfy this man’s desire, he may turn out to be bluffing. Take the episode of Sex & the City where Miranda experiences a man drought and is being pestered by a crude workman outside her video store. When she expresses her burning desire for him, he admits he has a wife and didn’t mean it. She finds that these men are “all talk and no action”, as I believe most men committing these crimes would be.

In the words of a wise woman, Cat Stratford, “I want you, I need you, oh baby, oh baby.”